Mad Dog Copeland
by suspect tomatoes
Summary: It's one in a googolplex. One-shot.


**A/N: The conclusion my friends. For now. Any resemblance to wrestlers or movies made in 1985 about time travel starring Michael J. Fox are purely coincidental.**

Adam and MacKenzie were certainly living up their new lives as royalty. After Jay had taken them back to the Castle de Copeland, as Adam so eloquently named it, Mack was promptly whisked away to be "properly edged" while Adam was allowed to remain as he was. He didn't need to change or shave – he was the fucking King.

Adam was waiting back in the Master Edgeroom when MacKenzie came back in wearing a ripped Rated R Superstar muscle shirt and tiny cargo shorts. He turned away from the majestic portrait of himself stroking his chin over the fireplace and whistled at her.

"Boy, aren't you a sight for sore eyes," he said quietly.

"How can you even see?" MacKenzie frowned at the exaggerated glasses. "Why are you wearing those?"

"Rule of the Edgedom."

"Ah."

"But I can see. You look _hot_!"

"Aren't queens supposed to wear dresses?" MacKenzie kicked her wrestling boot against the bed frame. "I look like Lita."

"That's okay. Lita was a babe."

"Adam!"

"What? I'm the king." He turned away from her and flopped onto the giant bed, running his hands back over the red satin sheets. "And first order of the king is for the queen to rid herself of those royal clothes and have sexual interedge with me."

"Inter_edge_?"

He grinned.

Mack ran her hand down her face. "Okay, your highness, before we commit the sin of 'interedge', we need to figure out how we're going home."

Adam's face fell. "Home? Are you edging me? We're never leaving this place! It's the closest thing to heaven. _No_!" He slid back, spreading his arms out on the comforter. "It's _better_ than heaven. It's – "

"Edgeven?"

"No, that reeks. It's Heavedge."

"Adam, seriously – "

"No, MacKenzie." Adam sat up. "We're not going home. I'm perfectly comfortable here. We can manage. So the Champ doesn't exist in 2009 anymore. Big deal."

"Very big deal, Adam!" MacKenzie sat next to him. "Where do you think _we_ are right now?"

Adam looked around with a slight smirk on his face. "In the Master Edgeroom. Edge. What kind of edge are you edging?"

Mack grabbed his chin roughly. "I meant the _future_ King and Queen."

Adam raised a brow. "Oh. I didn't even think of – "

"Hey, pop!"

Adam and MacKenzie turned toward the doorway to see a practical carbon copy of Adam standing there with a huge smile on his face.

Adam glanced sideways at MacKenzie, then back at the kid. "Who... Who are you?"

The kid gave an understanding smirk to MacKenzie. "Mom, has he been drinking again?"

Mack stared at him, mouth agape. "M-Mom?"

The kid furrowed his brow. "You two okay? You look like you've just seen an edge."

"Thor!"

Adam's carbon copy turned and looked down the long hallway. "What Alberta?"

"Toronto needs help in the kitchedge!"

"Okay!" Thor looked at Adam and Mack again, raising his eyebrow. "I gotta go, guys. You two should get some edge. You don't look so good."

Adam watched dazedly as his son walked away.

MacKenzie sucked in a harsh breath. "That... was our son?"

Adam glazed eyes fell to the floor. "I guess so."

The slap Mack sent flying across his face brought him out of his stupor. "You named our kid _Thor_?"

"You should talk!" Adam held up his hands to stop her from hitting him again. "Thor's cooler than Canadian cities!"

"I didn't _name_ the other ones!" She hit him again. "You probably named them too!"

"Why would I name them after Canadian cities?"

"Because you're a fucking tool!"

Adam grabbed her wrists. "MacKenzie. You're right. We gotta get out of here." He glanced around. "Before we find ourselves."

"Good idea. I don't even want to think about what I look like when I'm older."

"Me neither." Adam bared his teeth. "I mean, I didn't – "

MacKenzie punched him in the chest. "We gotta find Michael and Ali. And Britt. And Matt – "

Adam, rubbing his chest, gave a nervous chuckle. "Um... speaking of Matt..."

Mack covered her eyes. "Adam, what'd you do?"

"Well, I came across my... Edgecrees earlier, and... well, in the Bill of Awesomeness..."

"What, Adam? What?"

"It says Matt Hardy and any of his followers are to be thrown into the edgeons for being such complete chumpstains."

"Why would you write that?" Mack shook her head. "You're semi-okay with him!"

Adam lifted his hands. "I guess I went mad with power."

"You think?" Mack sighed angrily. "Well. I guess we're gonna have to go get them out of there."

-

Ali lifted her head slowly and found that she couldn't move her arms. Luckily, she could move her feet, and luckily, Michael was beside her. A good kick to his thigh had him jolting awake, too.

Mike was a little... tighter wound than Ali. He looked around and struggled against the restraints that held his arms above his head and against the wall.

"Michael." Ali kicked him again. "Calm down."

"Where are we!?" Michael's breaths were coming out in pants. "Are we gonna die? What the hell is this place?"

Ali looked around the dim room. "It looks like... we're in Matt's house."

"Aw, _really_?"

Ali looked at the far wall and spotted Matt glaring at his surroundings, tied up with Britt just like she and Michael were.

Matt made eye contact with her. "He made the _dungeons_ look like _my _bedroom?" He shook his head. "That's just cruel."

"Hey, hey!" Chris, who was standing on the other side of the metal gate, knocked his Rated R billy club against the bars. "Watch your mouth. It's edgeons."

"Chris!" Britt scraped her feet against the floor. "Get us out of here!"

"Edgecuse me?" Chris turned. "Are you edging to me?"

"Yes! Chris, you _know_ us!"

Chris scoffed and turned back around.

Britt whimpered slightly. "Are we stuck in here?"

"Where the fuck is Adam?" Matt growled. He pulled at the chains, his arm muscles flexing tightly as he tried to pry them from the wall. "He needs to get us out of this mess."

_COME ON, UNDERTAKER, USE YOUR SUPERNATURAL POWERS! COME ON, UNDERTAKER - STRIKE ME DOWN! STRIKE ME DOWN WITH YOUR LIGHTNING, UNDERTAKER!_

Britt dug her heels into the ground as that incessant noise blared so loud it almost broke her eardrums. "What the fuck is that?" she shrieked.

Chris scoffed. "Shift's over."

"Well, who's taking over for you?"

"Hizi!"

Ali groaned. "Oh, God. Could this get any worse?"

Kizarny looked excitedly into the cell. "Is thizat the only prizisoners we hizave todizay?"

Chris glanced back at them. "Yes, Kizarny, it is. Make sure they're on their best edgehavior."

"I'm mizake sizure of thizat."

"Good." Chris's arm started vibrating, the opening music to Adam's theme song blasting out of it. Chris jumped and fell to the ground, grabbing Kizarny on the way. "The king! He's come to visit!"

Michael started hopping. "Yes! Adam! He'll get us out of here."

A shadow passed over the doorway.

"Matt Hardy is here, I heard," said a low voice.

Chris looked up. "Y-Yes, your edgecellency."

The shadow nodded. "Open the door."

Chris smacked Kizarny's arm. "Open the door for your king!"

"Oh!" Kizarny got on his knees and turned around, pulling open the gates. "After yizou, your hizighness."

"Edge you." His shoes clacked noisily against the floor as he came in, another shadow following him. He walked into the only beam of light coming from one of the grates above them.

"Adam, thank God your – "

"_Adam_?" He scoffed, spinning around. "Edgeheads! Edge on the light."

Chris nodded. "Of course, your edgecellency."

A few moments later, the lights flipped on.

Everyone stared in awe.

"Babe," Matt whispered.

Britt gulped.

"I don't think that's _our_ Adam."

"You think?" she hissed back.

Adam ran his tongue over his pearly white teeth and flung his Canadian flag ring jacket back at MacKenzie. He made sure the crown on his head was straight before he bent and looked Britt straight in the eye.

Britt smiled. "Your beard looks nice."

Adam wagged his finger at her. "You look familiar. Did I ridicule anyone in your family recently?"

Britt glanced at Matt, then back at Adam. "You might've."

He nodded. "Well. They deserved it." He stood up and glanced at his watch, then back at MacKenzie. "My Queen! It's two-thirty!"

MacKenzie gasped. "Quick! Five second pose!"

Adam spun Mack into his arms and froze, staring off into the distance. They broke about five seconds later.

"What just happened?" Matt whispered.

"Silence!" Adam yelled. He glanced at MacKenzie, then back at him. "Well, after every five second pose the queen and I must edgegage in sexual interedge."

Michael stuck his tongue out. "_Here_?"

"No, you _chumpstain_." Adam grabbed MacKenzie. "On moonadian television. It's a live sex show."

"Blegh."

Adam's upper lip twitched. "Edgeheads!" he barked, throwing his head with a whish of blond hair toward the gates.

Chris and Kizarny dropped to their stomachs again. "Yes, my lord?"

"Take all of them to the shells of self-pity and disappointment." Adam glared at them. "They're being big, fat, failure turtles."

Chris was already opening the gate. "Of course, your edgeness."

"Edgerful." Adam gave them all one last chilling glare. "I hope you jerks edgejoy yourselves." He wound his arm around Mack. "I know I will."

Britt shuddered. "We do not need that – "

"Wait!" Adam looked at his watch again. "It's two-thirty-five!"

Chris and Kizarny gasped.

Britt raised her brow. "What does that mean?"

Adam spun around toward her, a crazed look in his eyes. "What does that mean?"

She nodded.

He bent down, eye-level with her. "It means... YOU WERE WRONG!" He fell back and started kicking his legs. "WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!"

Ali giggled, but stopped when Kizarny covered her mouth angrily.

Adam sighed happily and stood up. "Ah. There. Now we can go, my queen."

Just as Chris and Kizarny were strapping everyone into their shells of self-pity and disappointment, Adam and MacKenzie walked out, only to be shoved back in as they collided with two other people.

"Shit!" Adam flipped over future Adam and spun around, shaking his hands angrily. "Shit! We ran into them! Us!"

"Adam?" MacKenzie rolled off of herself and got to her feet, pulling his hand. "Come on, we gotta go."

"What's the edging of this?" Chris asked, holding Matt and Britt by their shells.

"Let them go!" Adam bared his teeth at Chris, hitting Kizarny upside the head. "Are you guys crazy?"

"But, sir, you told us to – "

"No, I didn't!" Adam glanced back at himself. "Let them go! We need to leave immediately!"

"Sir, you can't _leave_ – "

"I'm the king, aren't I?"

"Well, yes, but – "

"Who says you're the king, chumpstain?"

Adam turned around and faced himself, his jaw slack, eyes narrowed. "Who're you callin' chumpstain, chumpstain?"

Chris gasped. "There's... There's two of you!"

"Butt out, chumpstain!" they yelled simultaneously.

Mack walked up to herself slowly, her eyes wide as saucers. "I'm not too bad for an old lady."

Future Mack gave her the once-over. "Who the edge are you?"

"You."

Adam looked at his watch. "We gotta go."

Future Adam grabbed him by the shirt. "Where are you going, edgeposter?"

"Edgeposter?" Adam scoffed, pushing him back. "Don't make me laugh."

"Why the edge do you look like me then?"

Adam raised a brow. "I'm a lot better looking than you are." He grabbed Mack's hand. "Time to go!"

Just as Adam turned to get everyone else, Chris wound back and clocked him straight across the jaw. Adam fell back and knocked his head against the hard, cold floor right before the world blurred and everything went black.

* * *

"Adam?"

Adam jerked awake, looking around blearily at everyone standing over him. He grunted when he felt his neck crack. "Uh... Mack?"

"Yeah, babe." Mack bent near him and cradled his head. "I'm here."

Adam closed his eyes. "Ugh. I had the worst dream... We went back and forward through time. We fought... dinosaurs and... we had children."

Mack laughed slightly, stroking his hair. "Well, don't worry, honey. You're back in good ol' 1985."

"1985?" Adam reared up and hit his head on the chandelier.

Everyone was in fits when he glanced around dazedly.

"Just kidding, honey."

Adam glanced around. "Why am I on the dining room table?"

"You dropped acid last night."

"Oh." He frowned. "So it all really was a dream?"

"Unfortunately."

Adam slid off the table. "Well... at least I have something to look forward to."

"That's right, honey." Mack patted his shoulder. "If you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything."

Mike nodded. "Mack's right. We _should_ watch Back to the Future."

"I got the popcorn!" Ali yelled, running off into the kitchen.

Everyone went off to search for various things they'd need for the movie, leaving just Mack and Adam.

Mack was smiling. "What was your dream like?"

"I – " He cut off when his watch started beeping. He glanced down.

_Two-thirty._

He looked up at Mack with a grin. "I could show you."

"Oh, yeah?"

He nodded, spinning her into his arms. "It's time for a five-second pose."

**A/N: Ah. The End folks. Unless Ali, Britt or I come up with something funnier. Review.**


End file.
